According to the UFC website, there are "31 fouls". Hidden (in plain sight) are the best techniques for dirty or "reality fighting". Here are the first eight in our continuing series: 

1. "Butting with the head". Head butts are effective against the bridge or side of the nose, as well as the mouth of your adversary. Use the tip of the front of your head, grabbing their lapels and pulling them in for maximum effect.

As an aside, you can also butt with your shoulder or hip. I'm not sure if these are allowed in the UFC, but Don Draeger has an entertaining story of a fighter butting with his hip in Secret Fighting Arts of the World.

2. "Eye gouging of any kind". I'm not sure what the "of any kind" is about, but eye gouges are definitely one of the most effective techniques. An eye gouge can be thrown in a fraction of a second, and even a single wounded eye will water and/or bleed so much much it will surely slow your attacker down. It weakens his or her fighting spirit as an extra bonus.

3. Biting. So maybe you are hungry. Or maybe it's one of those self defense situations where getting AIDS, hepatitis, or some other blood-borne illness is the least of your concerns. In some chokeholds a quick bite can mean easy distraction and escape. Other times, you might need to gnaw on an assailant's arm like it's your last piece of jerky. Whatever your reason for biting, it works! And it makes you seem a little crazy as a bonus. If you do get blood in your mouth, be sure to spit it back at your attacker. And use the disgusting factor to maximum effect.

4. Hair pulling. Pulling someone's hair is a great way to control their entire body. There are useful angles and places to pull hair outlined in George Dillman's Kyusho-Jitsu: The Dillman Method of Pressure Point Fighting, but if you ask any 13 year old girl, she can give you her own insights. Dillman's are better though.

Why doesn't the UFC allow hair pulling? Not only is it effective - trumping many excellent fighting techniques - but it might resemble at middle school cat fight just a little too closely.

5. Fish hooking. It sounds like some silly move I've seen clowns do in some fake clown fighting performance. I just want to note that it would be interesting to see actual clowns fight. And maybe this move would appear, and maybe not.

But anyway, to those who have witnessed or experienced it, the fishhook is a very devastating technique of reaching your thumbs into mouth, nostril, ear (and elsewhere, if grappling!) and then tearing. It can tear flesh, and is a pretty nasty move.

6. "Groin attacks of any kind". A solid groin attack can indeed be very devastating. And demoralizing. Worse yet is a fast, flicking into the groin - transmitting like a whip. You feel it, then you wait with a suprised look for a second...then, there it is. And nausea along for the ride. I don't recommend being on the receiving end, bu a groin attack is very effective in a real fighting situation.

7. "Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent." Okay, it's weird and -for your attacker - very surprising. You can't even get setup for a fishhook in a UFC fight.

8. "Small joint manipulation." Fingers are indeed fun to grab and snap. Works great in a real fight, but would just look pathetic in the ring. A big guy can be reduced to tears and begging with the right small joint grabbing, locking, breaking. Wally Jay's Small-Circle Jujitsu is an excellent place to learn more.